An overnight guest

"It was the owl that shrieked, the fatal bellman,
Which gives the stern'st good-night"

~William Shakespeare,  The Scottish Play

 

 

Except this time it wasn't the owl that shrieked.  Believe it or not, it wasn't me who shrieked either...

 

The zookeeper occasionally contracts out animals for TV appearances.  Sometimes the requests he gets are for animals that the zoo doesn't have, in which case he has a whole network of contacts to be able to get "on loan" animals for specific bookings.  We've had a host of visitor animals here, including a kinkajou that kept trying to ear tongue me.  So it's not unusual for random animals to show up for a while and then go home.  Sort of like having relatives visit. Sometimes I'm clued in and know when they are coming, but mostly (from my perspective) it's random.  And occasionally surprising.

 

Yesterday the zookeeper and a couple employees made the round trip drive to NYC to provide critters for a segment being filmed for a show there.  One of the requests was for an owl.  We don't have owls. (Of course not.  We have goddamn screeching screaming drive a spike through your effing brain birds parrots around here, not stately birds who don't have much to say, and even when they do it sounds lovely.)  Though that's not entirely true.  We do have owls.  They just live in the neighbor's yard...Anyway, he had to borrow an owl from a wildlife rehabilitation facility nearby for this gig.  And for once I knew it was coming.

 

Mostly our guests stay in the barn (right, right, center, or facility, or whatever.  It's has animals in it and is shaped like a barn.  That which we call a facility by any other name would still smell like arctic fox poop...)  Not this guest. 

 

So the zookeeper gets home pretty late last night, says howdy and then goes to do his zookeeper stuff, unloading the animals and putting them away and feeding them and all that, and I decide it's time to go to bed, since it was late and I was tired and I never know how long it's going to take him to do whatever.  What do you do last thing before you go to bed?  Well, maybe I don't want to know what you do, in case...but me?  I have to pee.  Apparently, so did the owl, because when I opened the door and stepped in, he was sitting on the toilet.  It was quite a jolt, but I think I handled it pretty well.  Just slowly backed up and closed the door again. I didn't even jump or squeak or do any of the things I would have done a few years ago.  Maybe I'm becoming immune?  I figured since possession is 9/10ths of the law, and the owl was in possession of the toilet, I'd just use the upstairs bathroom and leave him alone.

 

Here's what they look like in the wild:

 

 

 

Now imagine one in your bathroom.  Sitting on your potty.

 

 

My Sunshine, my middle daughter, is 11 and her favorite television shows these days are Paranormal Activity and Ghost Hunters and things of that nature.  Which sucks because she spends all afternoon watching these things and then is too scared to go to bed.  Of course, I was her age when I discovered The Amityville Horror and Stephen King, so I can relate to a fascination with things that scare the bejeebers out of you.  Too bad she's never read the Harry Potter books...

 

5:30 this morning, I'm sound asleep (well, duh) when I get abruptly awakened by the most air splitting, slasher movie worthy scream I have ever heard.  A thump, blood curdling wail of abject terror, and I'm wide awake.  Hell, everyone in a two block radius was probably awake.

 

Me:  "What was that!?  Did someone fall  out of bed?"

 

The zookeeper:  "I think Sunshine just found the owl..."

 

He goes down to do damage control, mostly for the owl who's probably more scared than the girl, while I get my robe and fight the giggles, because already I can picture it in my fuzzy, sleep hazed mind.

 

Sure enough, I get downstairs and Sunshine is sitting on the couch, still shaking and crying, while I cover my mouth and try not to laugh.  Much.  What can I say, I'm a rotten mother.  Her eyes still have that glazed over look, so I sit down next to her and put my arm around her.

 

Sunshine:  "He could have warned me.  He knows I like watching Paranormal Activity."

 

Turns out she got up to get ready for school as usual, and went into the bathroom.  The owl had moved from the toilet to perch on the laundry hamper, and she didn't notice it on her way to the shower.  It moved a little, she turned and came face to bird with what could have been perceived as this ghostly (have you seen their feathers?) fluffy thing, backed up, tripped on the tub and hollered the house down.  I guess that'll get your heart pumping in a hurry.

 

She recovered pretty quickly.  After the owl was removed to it's transport (probably to his very great relief, what with all the screaming and stuff going on) and she'd settled down, she said

 

Sunshine:  "You know, Mom, when I went in the bathroom I did have to pee."

 

Me:  "Oh?  Do you still need to?"

 

Sunshine:  "I'm not sure, but I don't think so..."

 

That's my girl.  Always find the funny, no matter what life throws at you.  And see?  It wasn't the owl that shrieked.